Betas, ARCs, and Critiques (Oh My!)

So. I sent my manuscript out to betas. This is the first time people will be reading my work. Cue the panic attack.

To spare myself the absolutely devastating anxiety of having six people comb through six months of work, I spent the day going to Barnes and Noble. Then, I spent the next day watching Anne With an E.

Now, I’ve begun the process of working my way through my TBR.

This is all to say that I’ve spent the past few days as an anxious mess. It’s not that I think my novel is bad. On the contrary, I happen to like my novel quite a bit. I think it’s really good.

Therein lies the problem.

I think it’s good (and I particularly love the romantic subplot) but I’m still terrified that my friends will hate it. I’ve spent six months (including two rewrites and three rounds of editing) before I sent it out, and if my betas catch stupid stuff… well, I’ve never been one to handle embarrassment very well.

I know that I should spend this time working on the outline for the sequel, but I currently cannot get past the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known (and all that entails). I’m sure at some point, I’ll get over myself, but for right now, the idea of anyone looking at my stuff and judging it has me dying inside.

Anyways, this is not anything new. Every single writer has felt this at some point. However, I am still terrified, and I think it’s important for me to log these things. (Whether or not I should be logging them publicly remains to be seen…)

I’m going to keep tracking my path to publication, because I want to be able to look back on these posts in ten years and have them be good memories. The good, the bad, the highs, the lows (of high school football). Either way, I’m gonna share it. No one will read it because I flat-out refuse to share this blog with anyone until I’m a famous and successful author (remember what I said about being incapable of dealing with embarrassment). But it doesn’t matter. This is for me. This is my place to dump my personality (and my pain and happiness… I can’t think of a good Riverdale quote to drop here, but you get the point).

Whatever. Prepare to be sick of me, Blank Internet Void.